All of our Admins sit in a "pod." There are 7 of us total (I am the Executive Assistant for the CEO and I also have the title of Administrative Coordinator). One of our Admins needs to be the leader of the pack. She needs to arrange all of the Admin social activity, including lunches every day, and the ever annoying, passing and collecting of cards and money whenever anyone has a situation (births, marriages, deaths in the family, etc.). My company usually takes care of this by sending flowers or getting gift cards. Now, we have to take up additional collections for every little thing. When I started working for this company six years ago, collections of this nature were FORBIDDEN. All of a sudden, we are collecting for everything. I went to HR and expressed my extreme displeasure about this person being the ring leader for all of these events. It's nice to be nice but it can get out of hand. Our HR person (who lacks tact) telephoned this person yesterday and told her I said that the collections were getting out of control. Now, because she is everyone's "friend" nobody is speaking to me (because her feelings are hurt). Our company was nice and quiet before this person started. Now, everyone listens to her because she gives them gifts for whatever reason and they are eating out of her hands. She's in everyone's personal business (I keep mine to myself and I don't want to know anyone else's business) which I find very unprofessional.
I'm not jealous of this person but I do find the whole passive-aggressive behavior annoying. If HR told me to stop collecting for people I would not do it anymore. Personally, I would feel terrible that someone felt it was necessary to go to HR about me. I don't understand why I'm the bad guy and I really don't understand this passive-aggressive behavior. Should I just go about my business? I really don't feel like making a bigger issue out of this than it has already become.
Submitted by: cjt99
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Do you have a venue when you can discuss this? It sounds like you didn't lodge a complaint against this individual, but that in fact you sought recourse from Human Resources - which is supposed to be their function. I would air the discussion - first and foremost by showing your leadership through conflict by apologizing to the whole of the group, and using the words which everyone wants to call "unprofessional" - like saying, "I would like to talk about the gift giving activities and the clear tension that has arisen as a result of my seeking input from HR. I FEEL like the group has ostracized me, and if this is the intent, so be it, however, I am wondering if we might structure something around how we pool our monies, and how we organize these. X (the individual who already shows an exceptional enthusiasm), you are so good about recognizing the life events, could you lead a group that could pull together a guidance or policy - and we can then source these important events for everyone so we can plan on the events." or something to the effect. It is important to remember that everyone EVERYONE has unique motivations. Being able to 'lead a posse' in a direction so positive as to recognize major and MINOR life events, helps keep people engaged with the unit/team and encourages them to invest more - as evidenced by the clearly negative polarization that has happened since you opted to not directly communicate with your peer. Give it a chance, and remember to "Be the willow, as the oak snaps like a twig in a strong wind."
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Jaisend on
2/12/2009 8:25:40 AM
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Had you approached HR about the situation and not the person, your efforts would have been successful. fFrom your explanation, it appears you did not like the person, not her actions.
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Kelly Watkins on
1/14/2009 4:47:59 PM
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Even though you say you are not jealous, it sounds like you are. Going to HR about a person can be viewed as a backstabbing gesture and no one in the company will side with you on that issue. A better way would have been to confront the person directly and simply say that you are not giving to a collection, they are forbidden.
It sounds like you dislike this person. That is fine, disliking a person is a fact of life in an office, but you have to learn to deal with the person in a very business like way or else you will be the one looking like sour grapes and unprofessional; be wary of her bringing you down a path you don't want to be on. Going forward take the high road in all dealings with this person. I don't think that this is over for you, especially if she is well liked.
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Bernadette Jones on
8/23/2008 10:31:25 AM
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